Sanity in the Time of Covid

To say these are unsettling times would be an understatement. We’ve watched—are still watching—our country rippling and rolling as if a shaken blanket. Mass unemployment, racial tensions, and the daily fear of contracting a life-threatening disease is just cause for anxiety in the calmest of souls. As we watch the number of positive Covid cases rise (by the time I finish writing this, Florida, where I live, will top 100,000 cases and is pushing toward 4,000 deaths), we may think we’ve glimpsed the Reaper in our periphery.

I’m fortunate to work with a large group of brilliant healthcare providers, including a top infectious disease physician. Even so, the information shared by these knowledgeable doctors and scientists is sometimes contradictory. Our nation’s best are applying all they know and learn toward grasping and containing this slippery virus. How, then, can any of us manage our anxiety and remain emotionally upbeat as we navigate these strange, new roads?

I am not a psychiatrist or behavioral health specialist. Regardless, daily exposure to the facts and fallacies surrounding Covid, my husband’s job loss due to this pandemic, and the recurrent mass demonstrations in my county, has required me to face head-on my own anxiety. Here are some tips that have helped me cope with these fright-inducing events. I hope you’ll find comfort in some of the things that have helped me cope.

Focus on today. You live in the present, not the past or the future. It’s not balderdash to say each day is a gift. The fact that you’re reading this now instead of lying in a hospital on a ventilator is a very good thing, so be grateful for this time. Recognize that you’re in a safe place, you have food in your cupboards, a working phone or computer in front of you, and a day full of possibilities ahead. Remind yourself to remain in the here and now. You can deal with tomorrow when in gets here in the same, present-focused way you are handling today.

Disconnect. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, CNN, Fox, etc., etc. Give yourself a break! It’s okay to turn off your television, or at least turn it to The Golf Channel, Food Network, or The Hallmark Channel. (No one has to know!) Check out Cartoon Network or Comedy Central. Give yourself a full day–or week–away from Twitter and Facebook. Hide or block that person whose political posts cause your blood to boil. Follow instead that hilarious friend who always posts cat comics or inspirational quotes. Read a funny blog post. Listen to upbeat music. Fling open your drapes and dance! (You might make your neighbors smile in the process.)

Hit the beach. Or the mountains. Or the lake. Or your backyard. Get outdoors and breath the air. This kind of freedom is free! It costs you nothing to sit by the water and listen to it flow over rocks or wash in as waves lapping your feet. Hike to a scenic overlook or guide your wheelchair along a path through a local park. Bask in the sunshine or stroll through a light rain, sans umbrella. Reconnect with nature. It’s uplifting and energizing, and couldn’t your battery use that kind of recharging?

Immerse yourself in a task or hobby. Now’s the perfect time to take a course in a subject that interests you. EdX has a long list of free courses from universities like Harvard, MIT, Yale, and Berkley covering everything from Roman architecture to video game coding. Pinterest is full of ideas for craft projects, painting, baking, and home décor. Start a novel, a poem, or personal journal. Now is also a great time to work on your landscaping or clean out your closets and garage. (You can donate what you don’t need to charity, and if that doesn’t make you feel good, what will!)

Pray or meditate—or both. Sometimes a moment of silence is the best thing you can give yourself. Strike a yoga pose like lotus or child’s pose, kneel by your bed, or sit comfortably in your favorite chair. Be still. Let your mind settle and push away any negative thoughts that come to you. Focus on a favorite uplifting quote or verse. Visualize a flitting butterfly or soaring eagle. Let peace settle around you and fill your spirit. Allow yourself to smile.

Phone a friend. If you find yourself wading through deep blues, reach out for help. Call the most upbeat person you know and tell them you need an uplift. Phone a pastor or spiritual advisor. Zoom or Facetime someone who always makes you laugh. Reach out to your doctor or therapist (most healthcare providers now offer phone or telehealth visits without having to leave your home) for a one-on-one counseling session. You have a lifeline. Don’t be afraid to use it!

For a list of free mental health services in your area, check out Healthy Place, here. 

Three Simple Ways to Attract Opportunity: Recognize, Magnetize, And Seize

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. An optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” –Sir Winston Churchill

All you need is one great opportunity, and your life will be all you’ve dreamed of, right? But isn’t it sad and unfair that opportunity won’t present itself to you?

Hogwash!

Here are three simple—simple!—ways to attract opportunity. It’s up to you to open the door, because opportunity is knocking right now.

RECOGNIZE – Opportunity is all around you. No, don’t scoff at this. It’s true. Too often, we’re so mired in our current situation—our heads down in depression, shame, or disgust—that we can’t see what’s in front of us. Strive to live in the moment. It’s important to be self-aware, but equally important to be aware of what life is presenting to you right now. Stop thinking about what you don’t want, and concentrate on what you do want. Envision your goal, but don’t stop there. Take a step toward it every day. Even baby steps will eventually take you to where you want to be.

MAGNETIZE – To attract opportunity, be the best you can be right where you stand. Maybe you hate your job. Maybe you’re in an unhappy relationship. Maybe you’re facing financial strain.

Dig in.

This is not to say that you should entrench yourself, but that you should be boldly aware of your current situation, and take whatever steps you can to remedy them in this moment. What can you do right now to make the situation better, even by degrees? Firstly and most easily, you can have a better attitude. Laugh at the situation, ala Tom Hanks in The Money Pit. If you can laugh at a problem and smile at yourself in the mirror, then you’ve already cleared your mind enough to recognize the opportunity for improvement in your current situation.

No matter your present job, be the best you can be at it. So what if you’re a janitor? Be the janitor with shining sinks and faucets, shimmering mirrors, and gleaming tiles. Soon you’ll be recognized for your exceptional work, and fresh opportunity will present itself.

Stay positive.

Positivity attracts positivity, and the opposite is equally true. Case in point: Two of my best friends and I began to work on our attitudes, striving to be more positive even in frustrating, infuriating, and unfortunate situations. None of us were truly unhappy with our jobs, but we each had realized that what we have to offer was being overlooked, ignored, or unappreciated. Instead of feeling unhappy or despairing, we each tried to put a positive spin on our different difficult situations. What can I do today to make my workplace better? How can I improve my relationship with that difficult coworker? How can I make my boss’s job easier? How can I raise our company’s bottom line? We each listened to or read positive affirmations every day. We studied the law of attraction. We worked to improve ourselves, and most importantly, our attitudes.

Out of the blue, each one of us received a new career opportunity in our various fields—each within the same three-week period. These opportunities practically fell into each of our laps, as we really didn’t seek them! The opportunities seemingly appeared out of nowhere. In truth, perhaps they’d been there all along, but none of us, until then, had been aware enough to see what lay in front of us.

SEIZE IT! Courageously take the hand of opportunity when it appears. For some, this may the toughest part. Change can be scary. We may think it’s better to remain secure where we are, even if we’re not ultimately happy.

Understand this: The only secure thing is that there is no such thing as security.

Economies collapse. Bubbles burst. Jobs move overseas. Relationships end. Homes are foreclosed, and money is lost. But life moves on. It’s up to you to move on with it. When opportunity presents itself—and it will if you recognize and magnetize it—be brave enough to step out and grab it.

I can tell you that my two dear friends and I couldn’t help but hesitate when opportunity presented itself to each of us. We each had made some improvements in our current jobs, largely because we’d become more positive. Still, there is little, if any, growth in standing still. We each seized the opportunity presented, we each expanded our reach and our knowledge base, and we each are excited and emboldened to enjoy our success, while watching for even more new opportunities as they come our way.

If you’ve already let a great opportunity pass you by, don’t dwell in the past. Recognize, magnetize, and be ready to seize the next one coming your way!

She Thinks I’m Fierce!

There’s nothing quite as satisfying to a writer as having your work published; that is, except having someone else mention your publication in their own work! This week I’ve been twice honored:

First, by Hospital Drive who pubbed my short story “Things Long Dead” (read it here).

two trees in the fog

Second, by award-winning poet Gabrielle Brant Freeman who interviewed me for her #FierceFriday feature on her website!

Cover art and design by Dawn Surrat

Thank you to the University of Virginia School of Medicine’s Hospital Drive and to Gabrielle Brant Freeman for believing in me and supporting my work! You’re FIERCE!

 

 

Self-Reflection: How I Checked Myself Before I Wrecked Myself, and How You Can Do It, Too

I can’t say I’m disappointed to see 2016 come to an end. This has been an incredibly tough year for my family and me. My husband of twenty years (the handsome man you see in deep contemplation above) was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. My daddy underwent cardiac surgery again. Hurricane Matthew tore apart the roof of my home. And, no small wake-up call, I turned fifty.

But I survived. To be honest, in retrospect, I think I have thrived, and you can do the same, regardless of the challenges you face. How? Follow my lead.

Facing health scares, financial loss, a natural disaster, and more, threw me into a tailspin—or twelve. Each of these awful events also caused me to look hard at what is important to me. And let me tell you, it isn’t material things. Don’t misunderstand me; I appreciate the security of my lovely little home, my dependable car, my paycheck. But I quickly learned that these things mean very little unless I am happy and content.

Enter self-reflection.

Turning fifty absolutely causes one to think about the fact that, in all likelihood, your life is at least half over. I realized—am still realizing—that now is the time to make changes that point me in the direction where I want to go, where I want to end up, what I want to accomplish. And since none of us knows our expiration date, we may be beyond the halfway point right now.

I realized I wasn’t happy with the three jobs I was working. Ten years of editing and ghostwriting, while enjoyable in the moment, left me feeling as though I was spinning my wheels, writing award-winning books for others instead of telling my own stories. Adjunct teaching left me feeling like my skills and education were not appreciated (read: low pay and no benefits). My sales job—the one I worked solely for health insurance—left me feeling undervalued, disrespected, even bullied, at times. In addition, it had been over a year since my family had been on vacation, or even enjoyed a long weekend together. No, I couldn’t simply quit work—I needed a paycheck more than ever—but I knew I had to take steps toward getting out of the situations in which I’d become mired.

I began to ask myself questions, keeping personal fulfillment in mind. What kind of job could I do that would help other people, yet still leave me with enough creative juices to write? If money were no object, what kind of work would I enjoy doing? And, since money is important to me, what could I do to ensure my family’s and my own financial stability? How could I change my weekly and daily routine to allow me to spend more time with my family? What hobbies bring me satisfaction, and how can I reintroduce them into my life?

Tough questions, indeed, but questions I began to ask myself daily. I wrote down these questions. I made lists of possible solutions. I prayed and meditated. I crunched numbers. I worked on these questions, and the more I thought about them, the more clearly I saw what steps I needed to take to make changes that would lead me where I wanted to be.

I made changes.

I spent four months completing a recertification class to return to a satisfying career path I’d once followed for many years, then left behind. I turned in a lengthy notice to leave my ghostwriting and editing job, which I’ve loved for years, but which keeps me from my own writing. Last week, I quit my “benefits” job; the one I disliked but stuck with simply for health insurance.

Monday I’ll begin a full-time job (with great benefits!) in a field I love—one that simultaneously fulfills me and helps other people. Soon I’ll be starting my final ghostwriting project, and when that one’s done, my writing time will be mine! All mine! And perhaps best of all, I now have weekends available to spend with my family, and vacations together definitely are in our future.

I’m not Superwoman. I’m not the best time manager, and I’m pitiful at remembering birthdays, phone numbers, and even names. But after facing some terrible, life-altering events, I took stock of what is important to me, and I made changes.

If I can ask and answer those difficult questions, so can you.

Don’t be afraid of introspection, and please, don’t wait for an illness or a natural disaster before examining your purpose in life and what it is that makes you happy. You may not be able to move away, or quit your job, or uproot your lifestyle today, but once you know exactly what it is that’s important to you, you absolutely can begin taking steps toward that goal—even if they’re baby steps.

Be truthful with yourself. Ask the hard questions. Face the tough answers. Because what you know—really know—about yourself and your goals—is more important than what anyone else thinks. This is your life. Check it!

 

Rock Bottom Is a Firm Foundation

Woman-underwater-Kaare-Long-article

Sometimes when you think you’ve reached rock bottom, you’re actually finding firm footing. When you feel stone-cold solid rock beneath your bare feet, curl your toes into it. Press hard. Wipe your tear-filled eyes, and look up. You may be surprised to see the many hands of true friends reaching down to pull you up, while others’ hands are folded in prayer on your behalf, and still others’ hands are lifted in praise for your abundant victories yet to come.

Take the hands reaching out for you. Feel yourself being lifted.

Share your gratitude and joy, as it’s contagious, and so many need your smile.

The bountiful blessing you’ve just received is wasted unless you share it.

Now is good.

Share it now.

And if you find yourself at rock bottom as you read this, reach up. Take my hand.

*

Thank you to those of you who’ve extended your hands, your love, and your friendship to Randy, Jacob, and I, as we toppled, keeled, and pitched headlong downward, found our footing, and looked up toward you for friendship, encouragement, support–and found love.

You know who you are! 

WWRD? – What Would Rhonda Do?

enjoli1

From the time I was a pre-teen, I wanted to be an Enjoli woman; you know, bringing home the bacon and all that goes with it. I love bacon! (Ooops! Sorry. Got a little excited there.) Even now, I have a ridiculous number of personal goals—so many I’d have to live to beyond Methuselah’s age to reach them all. Because of this, I have many role models whom I call my everyday heroes; women whom I admire for the way they do this thing or that thing, who have accomplished goals at which I hope to succeed, who grab life by the horns each day, shouting, “Ride ’em, cowgirl!” I won’t attempt to model myself after Oprah, Martha Stewart, Suze Orman, or Bethenny Frankel, because the thought of having to do all that they do (with the aid of a team of assistants, of course) terrifies me. Instead, women whom I personally know are the sources of my inspiration, because if they can achieve success, there’s hope for me.

I’ll admit that I stretch myself thin. I am a wife and a mother. I work as an editor and ghostwriter. I am an adjunct English professor and a Realtor. I write for this blog and occasionally for two others. I review books, and I am currently writing two novels and revising a short story collection of my own. Rarely does a day pass when I don’t think of at least one of the talented, inspiring, women in my life, and in some small way, I try to imitate the thing they do or have done so well. They are, each one of them, an inspiration to me, and when I’m faced with a challenge, I ask myself, “What would she do?”

Christians sometimes utilize the catch phrase, “What would Jesus do?”, and while it’s admirable to apply that kind of wisdom to the big decisions in your life, I find it difficult aspire to those heights, especially when dealing with life’s minutia. Jesus is a godhead, after all, and since I’m just a regular ol’ human being, I won’t begin to pretend that I can achieve the miracle of feeding thousands with a loaf of Wonder Bread and a can of tuna, when I do well not to burn the casserole. No, I’ll stick with imitating feet-on-the-ground women I admire, whom I can lock into a bear hug of thanks when I successfully mirror one of their achievements.

For example, when I’m faced with a classroom full of bored English comp students, I think, What would Rachel Bragg do? Rachel made literature so incredibly interesting for me that it became my concentration of study. She even coaxed me to study a course on fantasy literature, a subject I thought I hated until I took her excellent course. By mirroring her entertaining, yet no-nonsense approach to engaging and motivating students, my first semester of teaching college was a success.

When I think I can’t find the time to face yet another blank page in one of my works in progress, I ask, “What would Leslie Pietrzyk do?” Leslie teaches in two graduate writing programs, is active in two writing groups, is the editor of a literary magazine, authors a wonderful blog I follow, publishes new essays and short stories seemingly every other week, has authored two novels and is soon to release a third. If she can make time to write with all that’s on her literary plate, so can I.

When friends pop by unexpectedly for an evening (or even a long weekend), I ask myself, “What would Momma do?” I’ve watched my mother joyfully entertain and prepare a spread for a dozen unexpected guests more times than I can count. And, while tiptoeing along the poverty line most of her life, my mother still donates an extraordinary amount of time and energy to charity functions, from hand-stitching quilts for international missionaries, to heading up “The Master’s Basket”, a women’s group that makes and delivers food to sick individuals and bereaved families weekly. She frequently volunteers in her church and community for dozens of different projects as needed. She’ll forever inspire me to give selflessly and generously.

When my writing gets too dark and serious, or my prose falls flat, I think, What would Karin Gillespie do? Karin’s novels, essays, articles, and blog posts never fail to make me laugh, and she finds humor—and writes it so well!—in all of life’s foils and foibles. If you’ve ever chuckled when reading one of my blog posts, it’s because I’ve learned from Karin’s fine example.

So many strong and smart women have inspired and continue to inspire me: my late mom-in-law Georgia White, who was an excellent to-the-penny home-finances manager; many mother/wife/professor/writer friends including Cheryl Russell, Gabrielle Brant Freeman, Kathleen Nalley Moore, and Pam Andrews Hanson (who also writes as Jennifer Drew); my uber-organized editing boss Sandy Tritt; my go-getter real estate broker Enis Qosja and brokerage owner Crystal Anderson . . . I could easily continue naming names and singing praises. You can bet there’s also something about you that I probably admire, prompting me to ask, “What would [insert your name here] do?”

Admittedly, it’s easy for me to get in over my head when I think this way. I often bite off more cud than a four-stomached cow can digest, and I occasionally feel bad when I fall short of the successes my role models have accomplished. Nonetheless, I realize that, while each of these women are phenomenal at one or three things I greatly admire, they may intermittently fail at something I do well. None of us is perfect, yet each of us strives to be successful at whatever it is that we do.

Acknowledging this fact leaves me with one important, pressing question: What would Rhonda do?

I know the answer to this one by heart: she would try very hard.

Extremely hard.

And sometimes she fails, but she cleans up the mess (even if it means sweeping it under the rug until her guests leave), and tomorrow she will try again.

The Enjoli woman should be so fortunate.

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